15 February, 2014

Dear Max,
Today was your last day as an only child. I have more emotions about this than I can even say.
Today to celebrate just you and all you mean to us, we had a little party for you at Jungle Jim's. You were a little sad we didn't have cake, but I promise I will make up for it at your birthday. You deserved the celebration. You mean so much to us.
I'm so excited to meet your little sister tomorrow, but I'm also very sad about what it means for our relationship.

You have been the center of my universe for nearly three years now. Trying to imagine sharing that universe with anyone else is hard to do. You taught me a love I never knew existed. You made us into a family. But I know everything is going to be great.

I know you will be an amazing brother. Being a brother is a big deal. You will be able to teach your sister things your dad and I won't. You will be there to protect her when we can't. When we're gone one day, you'll have each other. I'm so grateful for that.

I truly pray you'll be friends. Siblings should be friends. You're the only ones who will understand all of the weird family quirks and can joke about your nutty old mom behind my back.

More than anything, I hope you know how much I love you and that you'll always be my baby boy. Even when you're an adult, I won't be able to see you any other way. You were my first love as a mom. Thank you for all you've taught me to help me prepare for your sister. And for all of your patience. I hope you continue to be patient with your dad and I. Being the first born you'll unfortunately be the first of everything for us when it comes to parenting.
Just know we're trying to do our best because we always want the best for you.
Often times my decisions are driven by fear and trying to protect you. 

When tomorrow comes, and baby sister is here, I know my heart will just grow bigger from love. But I will miss all of my one on one time with you.

Lately I let you sleep with me when your dad is at work (ssshhh, don't tell him). I do it because I just love to be around you. When we lay in bed you tell me a million things. You talk about your day, remind me of things we've done recently that you enjoyed, like going to the zoo, ask about my favorite color and everyone in the family, and ask me every day what costume we should wear for Halloween. You love Halloween! Christmas was fun for you, but you just love to talk about Halloween. You want to be Woody again or a witch. It makes me laugh every night. You're just like your mom in that way. One day we can watch scary movies and go to haunted houses together.

I hope we can still have these one on one moments. Please don't ever think because you have a younger, more demanding sibling right now that it means I love you less. I will always love you more and more as you grow and become more you.

I love you my sweet little man. Don't you ever forget it!

Love Always,
Mom